29

 "........"

Fck you

This world is too absurd, too terrifying.

Jing Xuan in a flurry of motion, tried to get up.

However, his bedding and Gu Fang’s bedding had already tangled together, and were crushed by the broken wooden board. No matter how hard he tried, he could only repeatedly fall back onto Gu Fang.

The wooden board continued to make loud crashing and shaking noises, mixing with the sounds of seductive music next door, causing Jing Xuan to become red-faced and flustered.

He could only glare at Gu Fang viciously: "Why don’t you move!"

Gu Fang, holding his waist, leisurely responded: "With the wife on top, the heavens naturally do not need to move."

Jing Tong: "?"

Gu Fang explained: "The man from earlier spoke with a distinct dialect from Yizhou, and he could carry a male concubine with him. This indicates his wealth, but his rough speech suggests he is not from an official family. He must be a merchant who travels between the northern lands and Chang’an. Such people often have extensive connections and experience. If we can solidify our relationship in front of him, it will certainly benefit us in the future."

Gu Fang’s reasoning sounded convincing.

Jing Xuan understood as well.

But must it be done this way to solidify the relationship?

Jing Xuan didn’t believe it and was about to forcefully break free when, suddenly, a loud voice came from next door: "Why aren’t you moving next door? You’re young but can’t last this long? Could it be that one of you is incapable?"

Jing Xuan: "???"

Who’s incapable?!

The man next door shouted again: "If your man is really incapable, why don’t you come over to me? I’ll make sure to satisfy you!"

What makes you think you're worthy to touch this body!

The ever-competitive emperor, hearing this, immediately became dissatisfied: "You're the one who’s incapable!"

He said this and grabbed the wooden board, shaking it fiercely.

The speed and force with which he shook it caused Gu Fang to lightly cough: "Well, Madam, usually, a man can’t move that quickly."

"That's because they're useless!" Jing Xuan, with a competitive spirit, couldn’t care less, "A real man should move that fast!"

The man next door seemed to have heard his words, and with a groan, he increased the shaking of his wooden board.

Jing Xuan, unwilling to fall behind, gritted his teeth, his arm muscles tight, the veins on his neck bulging.

The man next door accelerated again.

Jing Xuan overtook him again.

The man next door increased his speed once more.

Jing Xuan surpassed him again.

The man next door somehow managed to speed up again.

Jing Xuan could no longer endure, kicked Gu Fang: "Are you a waste, not moving? Hurry and compete!"

How could this turn into a serious contest? And how could it make him so anxious?

Who would associate this appearance of Jing Xuan with the emperor who once said, "My life has been vast; why would I care about the falling flowers by the river?"

Gu Fang laughed softly again.

Jing Xuan became even more anxious: "You’re still laughing!"

"Fine, fine, I won’t laugh." Gu Fang took the wooden board from Jing Xuan’s hands and began shaking it violently.

Having been in the military for many years and with his exceptional talent, Gu Fang’s strength and speed far surpassed that of ordinary warriors, not to mention a mere merchant.

The man next door quickly lost the contest.

Jing Xuan finally vented his frustration and scoffed, "Hmph," leaving the remark, "Keep shaking, let him see who’s incapable."

He then rubbed his arms, found a comfortable position, lay down on Gu Fang’s chest, closed his eyes, and appeared as if he had completely forgotten the "hatred" between him and Gu Fang after being physically exhausted.

He still hadn’t grown up.

Gu Fang looked at the young man who quickly fell asleep on his chest, a gentle smile rising in his eyes.

There was once a time like this.

Back then, Jing Xuan had only recently entered the Guozijian. For some unknown reason, he got into a huge argument with Xue Qingshu. The argument was so fierce that no one dared to step in.

At that time, the Emperor and Empress didn’t care at all, blissfully eating melon seeds while listening to the two kids fight.

Jing Xuan was sharp-tongued but Xue Qingshu wasn’t someone easy to deal with either.

The two of them, separated by a wall, yelled at each other for a whole three hours. By the end, both children’s voices were hoarse, so they started passing notes to continue the argument.

Xue Qingshu had a special skill: he could write with both hands simultaneously and quickly.

As a result, Jing Xuan couldn’t keep up and, while writing notes in a hurry, his eyes turned red.

When Gu Fang returned from the military camp, Jing Xuan immediately started crying as soon as he saw him, tears falling like rain.

Gu Fang felt distressed and quickly wrote a note to scold Xue Qingshu, while holding Jing Xuan in his arms.

Jing Xuan clung to his shoulder, sobbing with a hoarse voice, as he gestured in complaint. Before long, he had fallen asleep on his chest.

That time, he had won the argument against Xue Qingshu.

But as a result, his military colleagues and the late Emperor and Empress laughed at him for a long time, saying that at sixteen or seventeen years old, he, as an adult, actually helped Jing Xuan bully a child of eight or nine. They mocked him, saying he had used all his talent to engage in child’s play.

Back then, he was young and thin-skinned, and was so embarrassed by the Emperor and Empress’ teasing that he didn’t dare enter the court for several days.

Until one night, when thieves broke into his palace.

A small figure, wrapped in a bright red and golden embroidered fur cloak, somehow crawled through a dog hole and made his way to his study. He climbed onto the windowsill, holding a bowl of cold, hardened noodles, and very seriously said to him:

"Uncle, this is the first bowl of noodles that Ah Sui made. Father and Mother should eat it, but I won’t let them. They all bully Uncle, they’re bad. I’ll only give it to Uncle, because Uncle is the best in the world, so I also want to treat Uncle as the best."

That night, the Eastern Palace lost the little crown prince and the Empress's palace lost a rare ancient porcelain bowl from the previous dynasty. The Emperor angrily scolded Jing Xuan as an unfilial child.

Only in the Prince's residence, he held the freshly washed Jing Xuan and had a sound sleep. No matter the chaos and turmoil outside, it had nothing to do with them.

Because no one knew, after his entire family was executed, it was the first time someone had purposely made him a bowl of longevity noodles on his birthday and brought it to him through "a thousand difficulties and ten thousand obstacles," under the stars and dust.

No, it should be said that Jing Xuan knew.

Because at the bottom of that rare porcelain bowl from the previous dynasty, a few crooked words were carved:

Gu Fang,  Jing Xuan, number one best.

So later, Gu Fang often thought about why, even though the late Emperor had been kind to him and the late Empress had treated him very well, in his heart, only the small Jing Xuan had always been his spiritual support.

And the answer he came up with was that the late Emperor valued the world most, and the late Empress valued Jing Xuan most. Their kindness to him came from the benevolence and righteousness of mature good people, as well as guilt and compensation toward the exterminated Gu family.

He was grateful and cherished it.

But only Jing Xuan did not understand these things. He simply trusted him, relied on him, and treated him as the most beloved, most cherished, most trusted, and the one he was most willing to give affection and favoritism to—family.

That was the bond that belonged solely to them after he had saved Jing Xuan’s life in the ruined temple in the snowstorm.

The only bond that still allowed him to feel attachment and happiness in a world where he had no family left.

It had nothing to do with power, nothing to do with talent, nothing to do with the rivers or the country.

On Jing Xuan rested his longing for all things beautiful and stable.

And perhaps it was precisely because of this nearly obsessive longing that, when he committed those dark deeds, he couldn’t help but want to hold onto Jing Xuan. That made him step back coldly the first time he realized his feelings had changed, creating many, many gaps between them that he didn’t know whether could be repaired.

To the point where, for a while, he truly believed that Jing Xuan perhaps really hated him, grew tired of him, and doubted him.

But after going around in circles, in the end, his Ah Sui would still be childish and willful like a little child, then sleep soundly in his arms without any resentment, as if nothing between them had ever changed. The bond between him and Jing Xuan had always been there.

Even at that moment, he felt somewhat grateful to Liu Chou’er, for giving him a dignified excuse to satisfy the darkest and most despicable desires and greed in his heart, and also for giving him a dignified excuse to return to Jing Xuan’s side.

So he was indeed not a good person.

But so what? His boy was already the best person under heaven. If he was not good, it was only natural.

Gu Fang’s motion of rocking the wooden board slowed down more and more, as slow as the cradle that rocked him to sleep when he was a child.

Jing Xuan hadn’t slept this soundly in a long time either, so soundly that it felt like being back in the northern lands.

In the dream, it was snowing in Youzhou. The River had frozen with thick ice, and the people of Youzhou moved the market onto the ice. Stall after stall filled with colorful lanterns, unlike the osmanthus-tiled splendor of Chang’an, but it was another kind of simple and passionate brightness in the white mountains and black waters.

He wore his favorite silver-red cloak and ran through the crowd with Xue Qingshu, holding sugar figurines, laughing and playing.

Once the painting was done, everyone on the icy river would marvel at his mother’s beauty.

Xue Qingshu would too, and then he would blankly look at his mother, then at him, and seriously say: “Xiao Xuan, when you grow up, will you be this good-looking too? Then will you marry me and be my bride?”

Back then, Xue Qingshu always thought that good-looking people were all girls. That made him so mad he shouted: “No, no, no! I’m not a girl! Even if I were a girl, I wouldn’t marry you and be your bride!”

Xue Qingshu was not convinced: “You’re so good-looking, you must be a girl. And if you won’t marry me and be my bride, who will you marry?”

He replied without hesitation: “I want to marry Gu family’s little uncle and be his bride!”

Xue Qingshu was even more unconvinced: “Why!”

He answered righteously: “Because Gu family’s little uncle is tall, good-looking, can fight, can write essays, makes lanterns for me, weaves little birds, teaches me to ride horses and shoot arrows, teaches me to read and write, and treats me the best in the whole world!”

Xue Qingshu still wouldn’t accept it: “Then why didn’t he come with you to the lantern festival!”

“Because, because…”

Because of what?

Jing Xuan couldn’t remember.

He frowned. His head hurt. He anxiously wanted to find his little uncle.

But no matter how hard he looked, he couldn’t find him.

Not only could he not find his little uncle, but his father and mother were also gone, the frozen river was gone, the market was gone, the sugar figurines and lanterns were all gone.

There was only the cold dragon throne in Chongning Hall, only the officials in their heavy black court robes, only the endless memorials to be reviewed and the blood that could not stop flowing.

Where were his father and mother? Where were his friends from the north? Where was his little uncle?

Jing Xuan was so anxious he was about to cry, then suddenly he heard a familiar voice behind him call out, “Ah Sui.”

He turned around abruptly and saw on the bustling frozen river market in Youzhou, Gu Fang was holding up a sugar figurine, looking at him through the crowd, gently and dotingly smiling at him.

He had found his little uncle.

Jing Xuan happily ran toward Gu Fang, the silver-red cloak flaring behind him like the most brilliant peony in Chang’an.

Because he was so happy he had finally found his little uncle again.

And then, an arrow, an entirely jet-black arrow brushed past his cloak, past his hair, past his lashes, and sped past him even faster, shooting straight toward the person he cared about most, piercing directly into that person’s heart.

The bustling market turned in that instant into a desolate cliff edge.

Falling cliffs and crashing waves, blood swept across the sky.

Gu Fang silently fell, sinking into the endless frozen river, swallowed by darkness and cold.

All the pain and despair surged in like a tidal wave, and Jing Xuan could finally no longer bear it.

“Gu Fang”

A piercing scream. Jing Xuan suddenly opened his eyes, and moisture spread from the tips of his lashes.

He looked around in a panic and then he saw Gu Fang.

He saw that Gu Fang was still the same as before, still tucking his cold feet into his own embrace to warm them, still gently brushing away the sticky hair on his forehead, still showing all his tenderness and care without any disguise in his eyes.

His voice was low, soft, and firm: “Ah Sui, don’t be afraid. I’m here.”

There was no need to ask the reason, no need to ask about right or wrong. He would always, at the very first moment, tell him: Ah Sui, don’t be afraid. I’m here.

Just like fifteen years ago, on that snowy night when Gu Fang brought him home through the blizzard.

Outside, the wind howled and rain poured like a curtain. A worn-out lantern was cruelly ripped from the eaves, rolling across the ground, its old paper completely soaked, the weak flame quietly extinguished.

And inside, the small boat that had been drifting alone in the wind and rain for so long had finally run aground.

Jing Xuan could no longer care what was a dream and what was real.

He just held Gu Fang clumsily and helplessly like a child, burying his face into his neck, letting the wet drops fall, and said:

“Uncle, Ah Sui missed you so much.”