Shang Jue's lips parted several times, but in the end, he swallowed the string of words that hinted at potential mental issues.
Lu Yuxing was still staring into his eyes, waiting for a response.
Shang Jue let out a long sigh, his brows slightly furrowed, and the corners of his eyes drooping, looking rather defeated.
Lu Yuxing thought, “...”
In his eyes, this expression felt like Shang Jue was taking advantage of him while playing coy. He believed Shang Jue should be satisfied, yet the other party reacted this way instead.
His voice finally turned a bit colder: "What else do you want from me?"
Shang Jue fell silent for a moment.
"That post from today might be seen by someone you know," he said, lowering his eyelashes. "If someone asks about it, don’t admit to it."
Lu Yuxing responded, "…Why should I? I have nothing to hide."
Shang Jue's lips tightened slightly. "Well, I do, okay?"
Lu Yuxing suddenly lost the will to continue the conversation.
"You do? You lied to me, and when you held my hand openly in the classroom, you had no concerns? When you went to that crappy bar, didn’t you think about being seen and having it posted to attack you?"
"You could laugh off all the nasty things said about you? I almost..."
“Say what, that if someone asks, I shouldn’t admit to it? I won’t admit to it, letting those people speculate about you?”
Lu Yuxing clenched the hand resting on his knee tightly, the veins on his hand bulging as pain and anger mixed together, forming a cold statement: "Since you have concerns, then let’s just not walk together anymore."
His words were harsh, and Shang Jue, caught off guard, instinctively forced a fake smile and shot back, "Fine, it’s a good chance to lay low."
"…"
"…"
Shang Jue furrowed his brows and turned his face away, feeling suffocated.
Damn it, I’m doing this for your own good! Don’t you understand I want to protect your reputation? If we had even a tenth of the truth, I’d immediately go on stage and shout, ‘My boyfriend is Lu Yuxing’!
What if one day you come to your senses and the whole school knows you’re gay? How would you explain that? Or what if one day you regret it and like someone else? Then people would think you’re a closeted gay pretending to be straight... Wouldn’t you come crying to beat me up?
Liking someone else... Shang Jue's heart tightened painfully. But his cloudy mind also cleared up, and he was sure his approach was correct—one hundred percent correct!
With no common ground left, staying there would only lead to more frustration. Lu Yuxing grabbed his bag and left, not wanting to pay Shang Jue any more mind.
As he left, he slammed the classroom door shut. Perhaps due to pent-up frustration, he unintentionally used a bit more force, making the door slam shut with a loud bang. Rather than just closing it, it felt more like he had thrown it.
"…"
Lu Yuxing stood frozen for a moment, turning back to hesitate at the door, staring at the tightly shut classroom door in a daze.
That action was too emotional... and he really disliked venting his frustrations in such a way during arguments. He hadn’t meant to do it, but there was no way to explain the result.
Lu Yuxing hesitated, extending his hand to grasp the cool doorknob, unsure if he should push the door open and apologize.
Just then, a loud thud came from inside, making Lu Yuxing's palm tremble slightly against the handle.
Someone kicked the door from the other side, about twenty centimeters from the bottom.
The force wasn’t heavy, probably out of consideration for the classroom as a public space.
But it was definitely a kick.
Lu Yuxing: "…"
His expression remained flat as he fell silent for two seconds before indifferently letting go of the handle and briskly turning to leave.
The post, which had gained traction on the forum, was reported and deleted, but its influence continued to simmer. That evening, when the other two dormmates returned, they seemed hesitant around Lu Yuxing, likely having heard people mention the post after school. Finally, Ge Zhicheng couldn’t hold back any longer and asked whether the rumors in the post were true.
Lu Yuxing replied coldly with a simple "mhm," prompting Ge Zhicheng to show an expression of “I knew it,” shaking his head and cursing the rumors.
Lu Yuxing’s mood was at rock bottom, and after answering, he turned off the light and went to bed, not giving the other two a chance to ask more questions.
The next afternoon in class, Lu Yuxing noticed Shang Jue still sitting at the front as usual.
He typically sat right next to Shang Jue, but today he asked, “Is someone sitting next to you?”
Shang Jue seemed to have had another sleepless night, his face marked with fatigue, and his eyelids were heavy. Hearing the question, he lazily replied, “Yeah.”
It seemed he had made up his mind to avoid him.
Was it because of yesterday's comment about "not walking together anymore," or did he really decide to take a break to avoid the rumors?
Lu Yuxing couldn’t figure it out, but regardless of Shang Jue’s reasoning, he no longer wanted to put himself in a position to get hurt.
He changed his seat.
Strange glances fell upon them in the classroom, with classmates thinking they were deliberately avoiding each other, and curiosity bubbled up.
Though the credibility of yesterday’s post was low, the rumors about Shang Jue having visited a gay bar seemed well-founded, especially since most students had seen He Yang visiting Shang Jue in the classroom... Shang Jue liking the same sex suddenly seemed plausible.
Now the two protagonists in the post were even sitting apart, and when he looked over at Lu Yuxing's cold and frightening face, it was clear he was quite disturbed.
During the break, Shang Jue stepped outside for some fresh air and ran into Tian Miao coming out of the restroom.
Shang Jue had half his mind occupied with Lu Yuxing's matter, so he wasn't in the mood to deal with the mastermind behind yesterday's rumors in the post.
To his surprise, Tian Miao walked over to him without realizing he was being ignored.
“Shang Jue.” Tian Miao approached him, the down jacket he was wearing carrying a hint of dampness.
The smell wasn't strong, but having gone two nights without sleep, Shang Jue's nerves and sense of smell were unusually sensitive.
He suddenly recalled the scent of Lu Yuxing—whenever he sat next to him, he could smell that elegant fragrance, which always had a calming effect.
Tian Miao put on a concerned expression. “Did you see yesterday's forum?”
“Yeah.” Shang Jue replied with a forced smile that didn't reach his eyes, “Thanks for speaking up for me in the post; otherwise, how could so many rumors be spread?”
Tian Miao was momentarily taken aback but quickly laughed confidently, “You think those words were posted by me? You’re mistaken, Shang Jue. I really had nothing to do with it this time.” He displayed an expression that feigned innocence, “There are so many people in our school; I’m not the only one who goes to bars… And didn’t you say you didn’t care about being outed? If that’s the case, what’s the big deal if it gets revealed now?”
Seeing Shang Jue’s visibly tired face, Tian Miao felt he had gained an upper hand.
Damn, what an idiot.
Shang Jue couldn’t even be bothered to listen to his nonsense.
Having stayed up for two nights in a row, he was so irritable he felt like dying on the spot, so he said, “It’s no big deal for me, but what about you?”
He curled his lips into a smile, but his eyes were devoid of any amusement: “If you keep talking, be careful your own issues don’t get exposed.”
“…”
That remark was a blatant threat. A flicker of panic crossed Tian Miao’s eyes, and his expression suddenly darkened.
He felt that Shang Jue couldn’t be sure who had posted those words in the forum, which was why he dared to speak so boldly. But now it seemed Shang Jue was quite certain it was him?
“On what basis do you think that person in the post is me? Shang Jue, you need evidence if you’re going to slander someone…”
Shang Jue smiled: “Evidence? Why would I need to provide evidence to scum? Do you think you deserve it?”
After saying this, he didn’t even glance at Tian Miao and headed back to the classroom.
After two classes, when school was out, Shang Jue reminded the group he had created about meeting in the classroom after dinner. The discussion time they had set was today.
He wasn’t in the mood to have dinner, so he bought a cup of yogurt from the vending machine in the teaching building to tide him over and skipped the cafeteria.
After tossing the empty yogurt bottle into the trash can, he returned to the classroom to wait for the others to arrive after their meal.
The first to arrive was Lu Yuxing, who sat down in front of Shang Jue, turning his back to him as he took off his jacket. He had brought his laptop for the discussion and recording the project topics, and after entering, he busily opened his computer and got to work.
Minutes passed, and no one took the initiative to speak.
Lu Yuxing leaned back a bit, the scent from his hair and jacket was faint, but it still irritated Shang Jue’s sensitive nerves.
He didn’t smell the grease from the cafeteria and thought: This guy hasn’t eaten either.
After a while, the five members of the group arrived.
With Shang Jue and Lu Yuxing present, their efficiency skyrocketed. In less than an hour, they had decided on the project topic, outlined their ideas, established a framework, and assigned tasks, lifting a weight off their shoulders.
After the discussion ended, everyone quietly focused on their computers.
Shang Jue propped his forehead on his hand, staring at the screen for a long time, as if he had developed reading disabilities; the words simply wouldn’t register in his brain.
“Shang Jue, are you feeling unwell?” Ge Zhicheng noticed Shang Jue's lack of energy, his eyes drooping and his lips slightly pale.
“No… I just didn’t sleep well last night.”
Wen Jiayue chimed in, “No wonder I noticed you seemed off during the discussion.”
Ge Zhicheng asked, “Do you want to head back and rest? We’ve divided up the work already, so we can start whenever.”
Lu Yuxing turned around, meeting Shang Jue’s gaze. He pressed his lips together, as if wanting to say something, but ultimately held back.
Feeling Lu Yuxing’s stare, Shang Jue suddenly found himself unable to keep his eyes open.
But he still said “Okay,” and left first.
Walking down the corridor, he couldn’t help but start contemplating the problem that had troubled him all night.
Should he be honest? How could he be honest clearly?
What if he clarified things and Lu Yuxing broke up with him? What if he didn’t? If he didn’t break up, it would just mean he still didn’t have an accurate understanding of their past relationship.
And what if he got labeled as mentally ill?
“…”
Shang Jue thought for a moment and felt that no matter the outcome, he probably wouldn’t be satisfied.
If that’s the case, what’s the difference between saying it and not saying it?
Damn it, just keep it from him.
Shang Jue slowly stopped in his tracks, feeling as if his shoulders had lost all strength, and he suddenly saw through his own tendency to escape.
He closed his eyes and sighed softly.
In truth, he should still clarify things with that guy…
Even if it meant being sent to a mental hospital.