“……”
When Lu Yuxing straightened up and looked at Shang Jue’s face, he found no discernible emotion there. If he had to describe it, it might have been a look of speechlessness.
Thinking that Shang Jue was still unsatisfied, Lu Yuxing hesitated for a moment and leaned down again.
He really was going to kiss him again!
Shang Jue, unable to endure any longer, raised his hand to cover his mouth.
Lu Yuxing glanced down at his slender, pale fingers, feeling somewhat confused. Doesn’t he want me to kiss him?
After a moment, Shang Jue released his hand, staring at Lu Yuxing. His hand hovered defensively in the air for a few seconds, ensuring that the other wouldn’t make any further suspicious moves before finally lowering it.
Lu Yuxing pressed his lips together and said, “About kissing... I’ll try to change in the future.”
Shang Jue's expression shifted, “No need!”
Lu Yuxing insisted, “I’ll change.”
“Really, there’s no need!”
The motion-sensor lights behind them flickered back on with Shang Jue’s loud response.
Shang Jue took some time to adjust his breathing and regained his previous gentle tone, “Baby, I know you’ve lost your memory and can’t remember anything, so it’s hard for you to...”
Lu Yuxing interrupted, “I’ve already accepted it.”
“You haven’t,” Shang Jue’s voice suddenly turned cold.
“…” Lu Yuxing hesitated as he spoke, feeling somewhat exposed by Shang Jue’s observation, a hint of guilt creeping in. He had convinced himself to accept the fact of dating a man, and his initial thoughts had shifted. It seemed that liking Shang Jue wasn’t as impossible as he first thought.
However, he still wasn’t at a stage where he could comfortably kiss Shang Jue.
“Just go at your own pace; don’t accommodate me at all!” Shang Jue spat out the words, almost through gritted teeth, then realizing his tone was too harsh, he closed his eyes and added, “I... I can’t bear for you to compromise yourself.”
Can’t bear for you to compromise yourself.
Lu Yuxing swallowed hard and, after a long pause, replied, “Hmm.”
Seeing that he understood, Shang Jue gave him a deep look. If this silly dog was determined to “change,” he might just refuse to go along with it!
The two stood outside, the biting wind gusting down their collars for quite a while. Shang Jue tugged at his collar, feeling the chilly air make him itch.
“Go back,” he said, too annoyed to call him “baby” again, feeling irritated at the sight of Lu Yuxing. “I’m going upstairs.”
Upstairs to rinse his mouth a hundred times.
“Wait.”
Suddenly, Lu Yuxing grabbed his wrist.
Shang Jue instinctively tried to pull his hand back to cover his mouth.
But Lu Yuxing had surprisingly strong grip, preventing him from retracting his hand.
He reached out to adjust the collar of Shang Jue’s shirt, eyeing the small red spots on his neck, frowning as he asked, “What happened to your neck?”
Shang Jue was taken aback, touched his neck, and indeed found a few small, rice grain-sized bumps. He scratched at them and realized they were itchy.
Thinking back to that bowl of soup he had at dinner, he figured it was probably a mild allergic reaction. Standing outside, the wind had made him feel cold all over, from his neck to his back, so he hadn’t noticed the itch until now.
He had a severe allergy to seafood, but since he had only ingested a little at dinner, it shouldn’t be a big deal; just a few days of itching would be torturous.
“Oh, it should just be hives from the wind,” he said, anxious to go home and rinse his mouth, waving his hand to signal he wanted to go upstairs.
But Lu Yuxing didn’t release his grip, “Are you allergic? Did that last meal have something you’re allergic to?”
Shang Jue felt irritated being held like that. After being kissed just moments ago, his patience was wearing thin. Even with his usually good temper, he felt a bit of anger rising.
In the second before it erupted, he clenched his hand at his side, his neatly manicured nails digging into his skin.
Enduring the pain, he turned his face into a smile again, “Baby, please let go.”
Lu Yuxing looked at him for two seconds before finally releasing his grip.
Remembering the uneaten seafood soup that had been in front of Shang Jue when they left the restaurant, he said, “Seafood allergy?”
Shang Jue thought to himself, Your observational skills are quite good.
“Yeah, but I only had a little, it’s not serious, baby.”
Lu Yuxing replied, “I’ll take you upstairs.”
“……”
“Is it inconvenient?”
Inconvenient.
Shang Jue kindly advised, “If you go back to school any later, it’ll be past the dorm curfew.”
Lu Yuxing didn’t even look at the time: “It’s still early.”
The elevator doors opened with a hiss, and a resident carrying a child walked out. Seeing the two tall men tugging at each other near the security door, they cast a curious glance their way.
Shang Jue himself thought that the two of them lingering here in the middle of the night was quite inappropriate. He stepped aside to let the resident pass, and once they were gone, he tilted his chin toward Lu Yuxing.
Lu Yuxing noticed his unwillingness and thought to himself how hard it was to get through the door of his apartment. He silently followed.
Shang Jue lived on the seventh floor, and the two took the elevator up.
In northern winters, the heating in the apartment complex starts in November. Today happened to be the first day of the month, and the elevator felt warm.
As his skin met the warm air, the nerves that had been numb from the cold began to awaken, and Shang Jue felt a prickling itch on his neck. Unable to help it, he shifted slightly in his loose jacket; however, the fabric only rubbed against his skin and did not relieve the itch.
Furrowing his brow, he led Lu Yuxing into his apartment.
It was Lu Yuxing’s first time at Shang Jue’s place, and he quickly scanned the interior. The items were somewhat cluttered, but overall, the place was quite clean.
He withdrew his gaze and asked, “Do you have any medication? Allergy medicine?”
“No,” Shang Jue replied. The apartment was even warmer than outside; as soon as he entered, he quickly took off his coat and tossed it onto the coat rack. “I’ll order takeout later. You should head back.”
But Lu Yuxing asked him, “Is there a pharmacy downstairs?”
Shang Jue was taken aback for a moment. “Uh, yeah.”
“Takeout will take too long. I’ll go buy it.”
Shang Jue thought it was unnecessary. Even if the delivery was slow, it should arrive in about half an hour.
However, at that moment, he really wanted to go to the bathroom to rinse his mouth. He just hoped Lu Yuxing could quickly disappear from his sight, so he randomly nodded a couple of times.
“Okay, thanks, baby.”
Lu Yuxing suddenly went silent.
Shang Jue turned in confusion to look at him, only to meet Lu Yuxing’s calm gaze.
“No need,” Lu Yuxing said, “I should be the one to say sorry.”
—
The door was gently closed, and Shang Jue snapped back to reality, quickly heading to the bathroom.
Five minutes later, he returned to the living room, his lips nearly rubbed raw from his own actions. Taking advantage of the absence of anyone, he lazily collapsed onto the sofa, lifting his hand to touch his lips.
The first time was understandable; he had been too shocked at the moment to fully grasp the experience. Who knew there would be a second time?
As soon as he closed his eyes, the sensation of Lu Yuxing's lips lingered in his mind. He feared he would never forget it for the rest of his life. It made him feel a bit frustrated.
Who could he blame? It was all his own doing.
He accepted it, thinking that when Lu Yuxing remembered everything, the level of disgust wouldn’t be any less than his own.
After this self-hypnosis, Shang Jue still couldn't shake off the feeling of restlessness. The overly warm temperature in the room made his back ache and itch.
The house was strangely quiet, and he felt he was too close to the edge of breaking down. He covered his eyes with his hand, took a couple of deep breaths, and finally got up to rummage through his long-idle suitcase.
Opening the suitcase, he found a pack of cigarettes tucked away in an inner compartment.
With a flick of the lighter, a small orange flame illuminated the room. He hadn’t smoked much since finishing his college entrance exams, but he still kept a pack in places he usually couldn't reach.
Since there was a guest in the house, albeit an uninvited one, Shang Jue instinctively planned to go to the balcony to avoid Lu Yuxing coming back smelling of smoke and inhaling secondhand smoke.
As he took a couple of steps and opened the door leading to the balcony, he suddenly stopped.
Wait, this is my house! Why should I care if that silly dog wants to come in?
He shut the door and comfortably sat back on the sofa.
A few minutes later, Lu Yuxing returned with a bag of allergy medicine. Before he even stepped inside, he was hit hard by the smell of smoke in the room.
He paused for a moment and then saw Shang Jue at the door, a cigarette dangling from his mouth.
The hazy blue smoke separated their gazes, and Lu Yuxing felt a strange sense of déjà vu from the scene.
But when he tried to recall a similar memory, he came up empty.
After a long silence, Shang Jue smiled and asked, “Not allowed to smoke, baby?”
He asked but showed no intention of waiting for Lu Yuxing's answer, turning to walk back inside.
Lu Yuxing followed behind him, pulling out the two types of medication from the bag he was holding: an ointment and an oral medication. His gaze involuntarily drifted toward Shang Jue.
He was surprised to learn that Shang Jue smoked.
Not that it was a bad thing… Of course, smoking wasn't good for one's health, but more importantly, it didn't seem to fit with Shang Jue's usual demeanor.
Shang Jue slumped onto the sofa, his eyelids heavy and a sense of lethargy about him that was rarely seen. His profile looked cold, as if he didn’t want to engage with anyone. Yet, just a moment ago, he had smiled and called him "baby."
Lu Yuxing suddenly felt at a loss about what to do, standing awkwardly in place.
Noticing his gaze, Shang Jue looked up. Seeing Lu Yuxing staring at him, he wondered if he was disapproving of his smoke-producing habits.
“…”
He cursed this troublesome guy silently in his heart but took the cigarette from his mouth, ready to extinguish it—
“Go ahead and smoke,” Lu Yuxing said.
“…Oh.”
Shang Jue put the cigarette holder back in, his movements a bit more awkward than before.
Lu Yuxing glanced at the coffee table in front of him.
There was a paper cup with some water in it, containing a stub of a smoked cigarette. Without even an ashtray, it was clear that he didn’t smoke often.
Bad mood?
What a stupid question… Who could be in a good mood with allergies?
Lu Yuxing didn’t linger any longer. He picked up a cup from the table to get water for Shang Jue, assuming the water dispenser was in the kitchen. When he got there, he found that there wasn’t even a pot on the stove, just a few instant food items on the shelf.
He then rummaged through the fridge, which contained only snacks, no water. He even discovered some things that Lu Yunsheng had asked him to bring to Shang Jue last time. Most were gone, leaving only a bag of dried mango and some random items.
Shang Jue watched Lu Yuxing dart around his home like a disoriented squirrel, speechless.
Did you really treat this place like your own home?
Lu Yuxing had to stop and ask him, “Where’s the water in your house?”
“In the bedroom…”
Shang Jue hadn’t thought someone would come over, so he had moved the water dispenser to the bedroom for his own convenience.
“Can I go in?”
Shang Jue thought for a moment.
There were a few clothes hanging on the chair in his bedroom that hadn’t been tidied up, but it should be presentable enough.
He nodded, “Yeah.”
The room smelled of fabric softener as Lu Yuxing stepped inside, surrounded by Shang Jue’s scent.
The quilt on Shang Jue's bed wasn’t made, with only the area where someone slept slightly lifted, while the rest looked unnaturally neat, indicating a disturbingly disciplined sleeping position.
Unable to resist, Lu Yuxing took another look at that corner, the corners of his mouth lifting in a slight smile.
After receiving the water, he returned to the living room.
Shang Jue had finished a cigarette and tossed the butt into his makeshift ashtray, reaching for the cigarette box on the table.
Lu Yuxing handed over the water first, then opened a box of medication, taking out two pills as per the instructions and casually passing them to him.
Shang Jue was taken aback; he hadn’t even touched a cigarette yet and had to take the medicine first.
Lu Yuxing then proceeded to open another box of topical ointment, tearing open the foil seal. The moment the foil was torn, the ointment oozed out on its own without any force from his hand.
Shang Jue felt it was strange; being taken care of made him quite uncomfortable, and he reached out, “Let me do it.”
Lu Yuxing didn’t move and said, “You still have your back; are you okay with that?”
He still had ointment on his fingertip, and Shang Jue was too lazy to refuse. He turned around, lifting his shirt to expose his back to Lu Yuxing.
Since his mouth was already so sore, what was a little ointment?
Shang Jue’s bottom line had lowered quite a bit.
When it came to applying the ointment, Lu Yuxing wasn’t as straightforward as him. Right in front of him was Shang Jue’s back, which was faintly reddened over a large area. He bit his lip, applying the ointment delicately, letting it dry for a few minutes before helping Shang Jue put his shirt down.
The cool ointment quickly took effect, reducing Shang Jue’s discomfort by about seventy to eighty percent.
The rest he handled himself, wiping down his neck and even the small of his back without avoiding Lu Yuxing.
The more open Shang Jue was, the more Lu Yuxing couldn't help but think deeper.
“Did we… ever...?”
Shang Jue dropped the tube of ointment, confused, “What do you mean?”
Lu Yuxing wasn’t one to shy away from such matters, and seeing that he didn’t understand, he simply said directly, “Did we sleep together?”
“……………”
Shang Jue awkwardly stated, "Oh, we did." He fixed his gaze on Lu Yuxing's face, keen to catch every subtle change in expression. Yet Lu Yuxing remained unfazed, simply nodding in acknowledgment.
"Yeah."
Shang Jue opened his mouth, suddenly yearning for the Lu Yuxing who had just woken up from the hospital. The one before him had evolved far too quickly, rapidly draining the fun out of their game.
"I was just joking."
Feeling frustrated, Shang Jue stood up and shoved the pack of cigarettes back into his suitcase, as if he were packing away the previous night's unpleasant mood along with them. He then urged, "Baby, if you don’t leave now, you'll really miss the curfew."
"Do you mind if I don’t?" Lu Yuxing replied. "A severe allergic reaction could lead to shock or death. What if you... at night..."
Who were you cursing?
Shang Jue couldn’t help but retort, “Aren’t you worried I’ll sleepwalk and jump off the balcony at midnight?”
Lu Yuxing switched tactics. "I’m just worried about you."
Shang Jue’s words caught in his throat as he met Lu Yuxing’s bright, earnest black eyes, which held a steady gaze on him. After a moment, he lowered his eyes and muttered, "I do mind."
Lu Yuxing fell silent.
Shang Jue cleared his throat awkwardly, "I’m more... conservative."
Lu Yuxing thought to himself, Conservative? And you run off to a gay bar?
He turned his face away coldly. "I'll sleep on the sofa. You can lock the bedroom door."
Shang Jue protested, "Baby, you’re too strong; I don’t feel safe."
Lu Yuxing shot back, "You have knives in the kitchen. If you’re so worried, keep one under your pillow."
Shang Jue: …
So you’re dead set on staying?
Shang Jue sighed, "I don’t have extra blankets. Be careful not to catch a cold or sleep awkwardly tonight." He thought to himself, Or suddenly die in your sleep.
"Okay. Good night."
Shang Jue smiled, "Good night, baby."
As the bedroom door clicked shut, the sound of the lock sliding into place was distinctly clear. Lu Yuxing felt a mix of emotions, surprised that he truly wasn’t trusted. Perhaps he should be grateful that Shang Jue didn’t go grab a knife from the kitchen after all.
He noticed the makeshift ashtray on the coffee table held two cigarette butts, which he tossed aside casually. The items on Shang Jue's desk were haphazardly placed, triggering Lu Yuxing's compulsive tendencies; he felt compelled to tidy them up. He refrained from moving anything else, respecting Shang Jue's personal space.
That night, Lu Yuxing squeezed himself onto Shang Jue's sofa, feeling quite cramped. His tall frame was uncomfortably contorted in the small space.
He wanted to stay, not just out of concern for Shang Jue. He brushed his hair back, recalling how, downstairs, Shang Jue had lied, saying the allergic reaction on his neck was just hives.
The reason for lying? He didn’t feel worthy of Shang Jue’s trust. As Shang Jue’s boyfriend, how had he failed so badly in the past?
—
The next day, Shang Jue was roused early by his biological clock. Groggy, he stepped out of the bedroom and turned to find Lu Yuxing wide awake, staring back at him.
In that moment, he felt as if he had returned to those days in Dorm 323, where each morning he would wake up to see someone he disliked right across from him. It was an indescribable torment.
The only difference was that Lu Yuxing's face didn't display the same mocking disdain as before; he looked quite calm. Living in Shang Jue's home, he seemed more relaxed, his usual cold edges softening.
"Feeling any better?" Lu Yuxing asked.
Shang Jue nodded.
"Let me take a look?" Lu Yuxing got up and moved closer.
Shang Jue was dressed in loose loungewear, the collar wide open, exposing a large expanse of skin from his neck down to his collarbone. The red spots on his neck had faded somewhat but were still visible, especially one that stood out.
Lu Yuxing lowered his gaze, saying, "It seems like it's still pretty bad."
Following his gaze, Shang Jue looked down. "Oh, that's a mole."
Lu Yuxing paused for a moment.
Upon closer inspection, the small red dot was indeed overly bright. It was positioned slightly to the right, on the same side as Shang Jue's dimple.
Lu Yuxing found himself looking a little longer.
Shang Jue's exposed skin was clean and smooth, but in the areas covered by fabric, there were strange yet beautiful details. His gaze traveled down the row of buttons on the loungewear.
He had seen Shang Jue's waist and back last night; although he was slender, his physique was well-proportioned. Shang Jue had an attractive bone structure; his slenderness only highlighted his features, with broad shoulders tapering to a narrow waist, creating a smooth line from top to bottom. At his waist, there were two shallow dimples.
Shang Jue, thinking Lu Yuxing was trying to see the allergic rash through the fabric, teased, "Need me to take it off for you?"
Lu Yuxing snapped back to reality, his mind having wandered elsewhere, and felt his ears grow warm.
Conservative? You're so conservative…
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