Jiang Yuanye actually didn’t like to cry.
Because when he was young, he was constantly taught that “men shouldn’t cry.” And every time he cried, his mother would suffer the consequences.
Jiang Hai would beat her with a stick and scold her:
“How did you raise this kid?! So weak, nothing like me…”
Over time, he stopped liking to cry.
Later on, every time he saw his mother being abused and berated by Jiang Hai, he had to hold back his tears. He couldn’t cry, he couldn’t let them fall. Because if he did, the wounds on his mother’s body would only get worse.
After growing up, whether it was almost ending up on the streets scavenging for food, being wrongfully imprisoned, or watching his company nearly go bankrupt while begging others for help… not even once did he cry, not even when the pain numbed him to the point of wanting to escape this world.
If he counted, the times he had cried could be counted on one hand. Most of them were for his mother. Only twice—just twice—were for an outsider.
But was it really right to call that person an “outsider”?
This person’s weight in his heart had only grown heavier and heavier. Maybe… they weren’t an outsider at all.
Maybe, without even realizing it, he had already placed this person into the category of the most important people in his life.
Thinking about it like this, it didn’t seem unreasonable that he had cried twice for him.
But why?
Zhou Chaosheng had asked him the same question both times, yet he always avoided answering.
Not because he didn’t know.
He just didn’t want to say it.
He knew very well that not all emotions could be expressed directly in words. More often than not, words were inadequate. They failed to convey the full, precise meaning. Even the richest, most colorful language would one day fall short when it came to matters of the heart.
If he had to explain it, the first time he cried for Zhou Chaosheng was because he had helped him when he was at rock bottom. That could be understood as the deep gratitude of someone being saved.
Perhaps, to Zhou Chaosheng, it had been nothing more than an insignificant act of kindness. But to him, whose life at the time had been falling apart, it was the only floating plank he could cling to in the vast ocean.
But the second time he cried for Zhou Chaosheng… it couldn’t be explained so simply.
It was far more complicated.
It wasn’t just guilt over the unintentional harm he had caused in the past.
It was also the overwhelming emotions and countless secrets he had toward the Zhou Chaosheng who had lost his memories.
Too many emotions. So many that they were nearly crushing him, like the Sword of Damocles hanging over his head, its cold light reflecting his fearful face.
He feared the weight of society’s judgment. He feared the sudden shift in his own desires. He feared the uncertain future that could turn them into strangers…
He feared what would happen when Zhou Chaosheng regained his memories and uncovered everything—realized the truth hidden in his playful words, the truth buried deep inside him.
—That he liked Zhou Chaosheng.
That he had, completely and utterly, fallen for a man.
It wasn’t rational. It wasn’t in line with what the world deemed normal.
Yet this feeling had already taken root inside him like a seed, growing into a towering tree, blooming into a sea of wildflowers.
And in this never-ending theater built upon lies, where the curtain refused to fall, he willingly indulged in the illusion, unwilling to wake up.
“…Zhou Chaosheng.”
He whispered the name softly.
Hidden in that murmur was the confession he could never say out loud.
---
They didn’t know how long they had been holding each other when the phone in Jiang Yuanye’s pocket suddenly rang. It was probably Lucas calling them to gather.
Jiang Yuanye didn’t answer, and Zhou Chaosheng didn’t rush him either.
Once the ringtone stopped, Zhou Chaosheng asked,
“Do you have tissues in your bag?”
Jiang Yuanye hummed softly, “Right side pocket.”
Zhou Chaosheng originally had his hands loosely placed on him, so now he could easily reach around to the side pocket, take out the tissues, open the pack, pull one out, and ask,
“Wipe your face?”
Jiang Yuanye was silent for a moment, his fingers slightly curling. Even through layers of fabric, Zhou Chaosheng could feel his hands tightly clutching his clothes.
After a while, Jiang Yuanye let go.
Zhou Chaosheng looked at his damp eyelashes. It felt as if a humid forest had grown within them, the dark soil and hazy mist covering his amber eyes, making it impossible to see their usual brightness.
Without thinking, he reached out with the tissue and gently touched the corner of Jiang Yuanye’s eye, wiping away the teardrop clinging to his lashes.
“So ugly.”
Zhou Chaosheng averted his gaze and, as he withdrew his hand, stuffed the tissue into Jiang Yuanye’s palm.
“Don’t cry next time.”
Jiang Yuanye stared at him, dazed, as if he hadn’t processed what had just happened—whether he was shocked by Zhou Chaosheng’s actions or had simply cried himself into a stupor.
Zhou Chaosheng leaned toward the latter. He didn’t know if this man was made of water, but somehow, he had used up an entire pack of tissues just from crying.
After wiping his face clean, Jiang Yuanye looked like a little white cat freshly washed of mud. His skin was still fair, only his eyes were slightly red, and his eye corners were flushed from being wiped too many times.
As they walked back, Zhou Chaosheng couldn’t help but ask,
“The last time you were hospitalized and called me, were you crying too?”
Jiang Yuanye didn’t deny it. “Mm.”
“That time… was it just because I took you to the hospital?”
Zhou Chaosheng suddenly bent down, picked up a small stone, and casually tossed it into the sea, watching the splash. He muttered,
“If it had been someone else, would you have cried like that too?”
“No.”
Zhou Chaosheng paused and turned to him.
“…What?”
Jiang Yuanye looked ahead at the shimmering waves and murmured,
“I only do this with you.”
Zhou Chaosheng froze.
Something in his heart, something he hadn’t paid attention to before shifted again.
A taste of something sweet, followed by uncertainty.
“Only… with me?”
“Mm, only you,” Jiang Yuanye said softly but firmly.
“No one else. I only act like this in front of you.”
“…Like what?”
“All the sides of me that no one else knows. The fragile and weak ones, you’re the only one who gets to see them.”
Seawater seemed to fill his ears, the surrounding air compressing as his breath tightened.
Zhou Chaosheng slowed his steps.
“I don’t understand.”
Jiang Yuanye stopped as well.
“That’s okay,” he said. “You just need to know one thing”
“You are someone very different to me.”
Zhou Chaosheng lowered his gaze, an unbearable, aching sourness rising in his chest.
Liar.
This was all just acting.
He looked at Jiang Yuanye’s profile and suddenly wanted to ask,
Even if just for a moment, have you ever truly felt something for me?
If not, then don’t shake my heart anymore…
But he didn’t say anything.
Jiang Yuanye didn’t seem to expect an answer either.
Each lost in their own thoughts, the two walked back in silence.
“You’re finally here! I called you guys so many times why didn’t you pick up? Your phones out of battery or something?”
Lucas waved a small flag and ran toward them.
“Sorry, I had it on silent,” Jiang Yuanye apologized.
Lucas waved it off. “No worries, no worries! I just wanted to ask if you guys were hungry. Should we eat first or go to the next stop?”
Zhou Chaosheng checked his watch. Icelandic time—11:20 AM.
“I’m good with either. Let’s go with whatever the others want,” Jiang Yuanye said.
Before everyone could gather, Lucas’ phone rang again.
“Sorry, give me a sec,” he said, stepping aside to take the call.
Jiang Yuanye turned to Zhou Chaosheng and asked, “Are you hungry?”
Zhou Chaosheng raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t we going with everyone’s decision?”
Jiang Yuanye shook his head. “That was just being polite. Compared to everyone else, your opinion matters more.”
Zhou Chaosheng’s heart skipped uncontrollably again.
“The truth?”
“The truth.”
“You’re not lying to me?”
“I’m not lying to you.”
The sincerity in Jiang Yuanye’s gaze was too direct, making Zhou Chaosheng feel embarrassed first. He averted his eyes.
He muttered under his breath, “Who knows…”
Seeing that Zhou Chaosheng didn’t believe him, Jiang Yuanye didn’t rush to argue. He understood all too well. Whether with or without his memories, the Zhou Chaosheng before him was still the same person he had always known.
His aversion to men, his rejection of Jiang Yuanye’s feelings. Those things were ingrained in his very bones, impossible to erase.
If the amnesiac Zhou Chaosheng was a fleeting ray of sunlight, then Jiang Yuanye was nothing more than a rat hiding in a dark sewer, secretly peering at the light. Craving, yet undeserving of its warmth.
—
After everyone's discussion, they unanimously decided to visit the Ding Ding Museum first before going to eat. It would take about seventeen to eighteen minutes to walk from Harpa Concert Hall to the museum. On the way, they passed by a souvenir shop and, feeling somewhat interested, went inside to take a look.
Lucas was very considerate. Before entering the store, he shared some tips to avoid pitfalls, such as checking the labels when choosing wool products (not all are pure wool), confirming tax refunds with the store before purchasing (some stores do not offer tax refunds), double-checking the price before buying, and making sure the price entered by the store is correct.
At the end, Lucas emphasized, “Actually, the prices of souvenirs at the airport are cheaper than in many of the stores you're seeing now, so there’s no need to waste money here.”
This statement discouraged some from shopping, but the young lady didn't care about money and proactively suggested, “Why don’t you guys go ahead and visit first? I want to buy some gifts for my friends…”
The others agreed and were about to leave when Jiang Yuanye suddenly said, “She’s a girl, so it’s a little unsafe for her to be alone. I happen to want to buy something too. Let’s just meet at the restaurant later.”
Zhou Chaosheng’s steps paused. He turned his head and glanced at Jiang Yuanye behind him, his long black eyelashes lowering slightly, a trace of displeasure leaking from the corners of his eyes.
He could understand Jiang Yuanye treating the other person to breakfast at the bakery this morning, but now he was accompanying her to buy gifts? Was he supposed to be just a decoration as a close friend?
He looked at Jiang Yunzhi, who seemed quite satisfied with Jiang Yuanye’s gentlemanly behavior and even praised him, “Thank you! You’re really nice. I was just worried that no one could accompany Manman.”
Zhou Chaosheng: “You’re not coming with me?”
Jiang Yuanye blinked at him twice. “You go first. I’ll come find you later.”
Zhou Chaosheng: “…”
Fine, don’t come. What’s with the cute act?
Zhou Chaosheng gave Jiang Yuanye an expressionless glance.
In the end, he didn’t say anything and turned around to leave with the others.
The streets of Iceland had an artistic vibe, with quirky yet imaginative graffiti appearing from time to time. The locals mostly traveled using electric scooters, which could be rented via Hopp. They were primarily eco-friendly and convenient, helping to avoid the long-standing traffic congestion in Reykjavík.
As he walked, Zhou Chaosheng felt like there was something stuck in his chest, unable to move up or down. Ever since they separated, he had been troubled by a question.
Why was he angry with Jiang Yuanye?
Was it just because Jiang Yuanye was accompanying a woman? But back at the bar, when the other person was so close to those women, he clearly didn’t feel anything. If he had to say he felt something, it was just exasperation—thinking that Jiang Yuanye was no different from any other rich playboy.
But now?
Now, he wasn’t just exasperated. He was angry.
So why was he angry? Zhou Chaosheng couldn’t figure it out no matter how much he thought about it.
At that moment, Fang Yi suddenly walked up beside him and struck up a conversation. “Zhou-ge, do you know if Lovien has a partner?”
Zhou Chaosheng frowned slightly. “Why are you asking?”
Fang Yi chuckled. “No reason. I just feel like Lovien seems to have some interest in Xiao Man. If he’s single, I think they’d make a good match…”
Before Fang Yi could finish his sentence, Zhou Chaosheng couldn’t stand it anymore and interrupted, “He has a partner.”
Fang Yi was a little surprised and opened his mouth slightly. “Oh… okay.”
“And,” Zhou Chaosheng lowered his eyelashes, his voice somewhat indifferent, “they don’t match at all.”
Fang Yi glanced at Zhou Chaosheng in surprise.
His expression was as indifferent as ever, but Fang Yi could still detect a cold sharpness beneath his well-defined brows and eyes.
Was he… angry?
Fang Yi thought about it for a moment.
“Then, what about you, Zhou-ge?”
Zhou Chaosheng froze for a moment. He was about to say he didn’t have one, but then he thought of Jiang Yuanye. For some reason, he didn’t say it.
“…Zhou-ge?” Fang Yi called out to him again.
Zhou Chaosheng came back to his senses. He thought, back then, Jiang Yuanye could confidently declare in front of all the bodyguards that they were a couple, simply because he knew his people wouldn’t spread it around. Similarly, his slip-up in front of Dr. had been the same.
In public settings, like their class reunion, they had been very measured in not saying anything excessive to disgust each other.
First, it was about maintaining decorum. Second, there was no need to.
He could disgust Jiang Yuanye, but he couldn’t disregard the other person’s image in front of their classmates.
Now, it was the same.
But unlike before, he now had no intention of disgusting Jiang Yuanye at all.
Instead,
There was an inexplicable impulse to acknowledge their relationship as real.
As soon as this thought surfaced, the calm facade Zhou Chaosheng had maintained for so long cracked in an instant.
No way.
That shouldn’t be possible…
He—he had grown up in a normal family, raised with strict discipline for so many years, and had never once overstepped the boundaries.
But why... why...
Why would he develop an inappropriate sense of possession toward another man?
And the previous accelerated heartbeat, the various emotions, the softness and distress when seeing the other cry...
Even now, he still refused to admit that when Jiang Yuanye cried in front of him.
For a moment, he really wanted to walk over and hug him.
Zhou Chaosheng stopped in his tracks. After going through the shock of questioning his own existence, his expression gradually returned to calm.
At least, on the surface.
In reality, he suppressed all his emotions deep inside. Perhaps his heart was even more honest than his words, having already foreseen this outcome.
He liked Jiang Yuanye.
This liking probably began when he truly got to know and understand Jiang Yuanye as a person.
At the same time, he couldn't help but think about one thing: He had always cared about whether the other was lying, whether he was acting...
Ultimately, was it because he cared about whether Jiang Yuanye liked him?
At that thought, the calm expression Zhou Chaosheng had just managed to restore shattered once again.
No way. That couldn't be.. right?