Tms 21

Chapter 21: TMS

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 Ji Mian had about ten days off for the summer vacation.

He returned, but someone downstairs started having trouble sleeping.

Duan Zhuang rarely dreamed, but ever since Ji Mian came back, those beautiful dreams that had never visited him even during his adolescence began to torment him night after night.

The restlessness that arrived late in life turned into thousands of ants, all coming out at midnight, gnawing at his spine and heart from all sides.

After being forced awake from his dreams at dawn for nine consecutive days and washing his personal clothes with a sullen face, Duan Zhuang began to suspect something might be wrong with his body.

He had been single until now, and this was the first time in his life he had experienced such a situation.

Duan Zhuang lay back in bed; it was clearly early morning, yet he felt restless and hot.

He turned on the air conditioning and set the temperature very low, but it still didn’t alleviate the heat that seemed to be roasting from within his chest.

His dreams felt utterly wrong because in those dreams, the person who breathed lightly beneath him, regardless of gender or identity...

Duan Zhuang stared at the pitch-black ceiling above him and shuddered slightly.

Regarding the content of his fantasies, he thought he should feel disgusted or at least uncomfortable. But aside from his racing heartbeat and a certain indescribable desire and guilt, he felt no other emotions of revulsion.

He attributed the cause of this phenomenon to "excess energy." A few days ago, he had increased the order volume at his woodcarving shop, but even so, those annoying dreams still visited him on time every night.

A few minutes later, feeling a trend of restlessness rising again in his body, Duan Zhuang got up from bed, quickly changed his clothes, and decided not to sleep anymore.

He quickly washed up and went out for a morning run. It seemed that by doing this, he could suppress those vile thoughts in his mind.

In the southern summer, even the early morning is humid and sultry. After walking a few steps outside, he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Duan Zhuang ran for over an hour, at a fast pace. By the time he returned, he was drenched in sweat, with not a single dry spot on his tank top.

Morning running was indeed an effective way to expend energy; his body felt exhausted, and his mind temporarily detached from the dreams of the previous night.

Duan Zhuang even felt a bit of relief.

He pushed open the entrance door on the first floor, and just as he stepped inside, he bumped into Ji Mian, who was coming down the stairs.

“Brother?” Ji Mian looked at the drenched Duan Zhuang in surprise.

For a moment, the boy's clear voice seemed to overlap with the slightly hoarse voice from his dreams.

Duan Zhuang paused, and the dream content he had struggled to hide began to surface again.

“Did you go for a run?” Ji Mian asked as he descended a couple of steps, while Duan Zhuang took a step back, pulling his foot that had already entered the house back outside.

He didn’t want to get too close to Ji Mian. After all, he was soaked in sweat, and at that moment, he certainly didn’t smell good.

“Yeah. What about you? Where are you going?” he asked.

As soon as he spoke, Duan Zhuang realized his voice was hoarse as well.

He stared intently at Ji Mian's face, trying to discern something from that familiar expression. His hand gripping the entrance door unconsciously tightened, and his knuckles turned white.

No one noticed that Duan Zhuang's body was trembling. Ji Mian didn’t notice, and surprisingly, Duan Zhuang himself didn’t realize it either.

“I went to buy breakfast and thought I’d check if Sister Yu Man was home,” Ji Mian said, scratching his head and showing a somewhat shy smile. “Brother, do you know where Sister Yu Man has been lately? I’ve been back for a while, and I haven’t seen her yet.”

Just mentioning Mu Yu Man lifted his spirits...

Duan Zhuang's body suddenly cooled down.

“Brother?”

“Don’t know.” Duan Zhuang replied coldly.

The agitated reason cooled down, and the heat that had plagued him for many nights dissipated in an instant. The heat that had tormented him for so long vanished completely because of Ji Mian’s words.

To Duan Zhuang, this seemed like a good thing.

Ji Mian regretfully said “oh” and then asked, “So, Brother, what do you want to eat? I can buy it.”

“... No need.”

“Oh...”

Seeing Duan Zhuang still holding onto the door, Ji Mian quickly stepped down the stairs and exited the entrance.

Just as Ji Mian stepped outside, the door “slammed” shut behind Duan Zhuang.

Ji Mian turned to look back, but the steel door blocked his gaze. He couldn’t see Duan Zhuang’s figure.

— 

After a two-week holiday, Ji Mian returned to school to start his senior year.

In terms of diligence, Ji Mian might not rank first in the entire class, but he was definitely among the top three.

Additionally, his learning ability surpassed that of most high school students, which enabled him to make a comeback from being at the bottom of his grade in the second year to being in the middle of his class.

In this final year, he worked even harder than he did in his second year.

However, Ji Mian noticed that Duan Zhuang seemed less warm toward him compared to when they were in their second year. Every time he returned, Duan Zhuang’s reaction always felt overly indifferent.

Even when Ji Mian showed him his report card for making it into the top one hundred of the grade, Duan Zhuang merely glanced at it and said a couple of bland sentences before ending the conversation.

This left Ji Mian feeling quite frustrated.

For some reason, he particularly hoped to receive Duan Zhuang’s acknowledgment.

Noticing Duan Zhuang’s indifferent attitude, Ji Mian remained silent at school for almost two weeks.

Last weekend, he didn’t call home to say he was going back. This was Ji Mian’s first weekend spent at school, yet he didn’t receive a call from Duan Zhuang asking about him.

During this time, Ji Mian could not ignore Duan Zhuang’s neglect toward him.

He suddenly began to doubt that maybe his brother didn’t actually want him to come home.

But he couldn’t figure out why, and he didn’t dare to jump to conclusions, so he could only carry a restless heart, constantly guessing. At one moment, he worried about whether he had done something wrong to upset Duan Zhuang, and at another, he worried whether something had happened at home. Later, he reassured himself that perhaps Duan Zhuang was just busy lately.

After feeling uneasy for several days, the next weekend arrived. Still, he hadn’t received any word from Duan Zhuang.

On Saturday night, Ji Mian did some exercises and pulled out his old Nokia phone from the cabinet.

This was a gift from Duan Zhuang.

Originally, Duan Zhuang intended to buy him a smartphone, but Ji Mian refused, saying, “I don’t have enough self-control; it will affect my studies.” Duan Zhuang thought about it and agreed, so he gave him an old phone from home for calls.

Ji Mian still remembered when his brother handed him the phone, he said, “If you need anything, just call. Don’t keep it bottled up inside.”

Now, the frustrations that had been bottled up in his heart for two weeks.

After hesitating for a long time, Ji Mian finally dialed Duan Zhuang’s number.

Just as the ringing was about to end, the call was finally answered.

“Hello,” Ji Mian softly called out to Duan Zhuang through the receiver, “Brother?”

A few seconds later, he heard Duan Zhuang’s voice from the receiver, only a few words.

“What’s up?”

It felt like a bucket of cold water had suddenly been dumped over Ji Mian’s head.

He was genuinely caught off guard, and the words he wanted to say vanished as he froze.

“... It’s nothing,” he opened his lips and spoke with great difficulty, “Are you... busy, brother?”

“Busy.”

“…”

Ji Mian wasn’t clueless; he tightened his grip on the Nokia, but only calmly replied, “Okay,” and pressed the hang-up button.

【Aren’t you going to get angry?】the system observed, clearly displeased.

Ji Mian lowered his eyes: 【Angry about what?】

【Pathetic!】After scolding him, the system burrowed into Ji Mian’s consciousness and didn’t appear again.

Ji Mian put the old phone back in the cabinet and buried his head back into his English reading on the desk.

He read the first paragraph over a dozen times, but it felt like it just wouldn’t sink in. Half an hour passed, and he still hadn’t translated the main idea.

His roommates turned off their lights one by one and climbed into bed to rest.

Ji Mian lingered below for a while, but finding he still couldn’t absorb anything, he turned off the small light and went upstairs.

The dormitory suddenly became very dark, with only the faint glow from two smartphones on the opposite beds. But before long, those too went completely dark.

Ji Mian’s blanket covered his nose; after a while, he simply tucked his head completely under the blanket, curling up, silent and motionless.

Until late at night, after everyone had fallen asleep, from Ji Mian’s cocoon of blankets, a few barely audible, soft, and restrained sobs could be heard.